Lost

Do you ever feel like you don't know who you are anymore? I feel like I have lost myself and don't know where to turn or what to do. I have been told that I dress slightly Goth, which just the word brings a immense amount of emotion. Apparently alot of the styles I love are Goth, apparently I am Goth without realizing I am. This scares me because for the longest time I always thought that the way that I dress is not really categorized into anything. As I was disgusing this with my husband he told me that he finds the style Goth very attractive, and all I could think was "I want you to find me attractive in that way". He told me that if I went "fully"Goth that he wouldn't be able to keep his hands off of me, well, I want that. I want to know that when he looks at me he thinks "I really do have the best of both worlds, a style that I love and a girl that I find attractive". Maybe this is why I am lost, I want to be attractive and desireable to him in all senses. Now I know everyone, he married you so that must say something, and it does; it says something huge. But I want to take it to the next level of being desireable to him. Because the incident in February the girl that he "fell" for was Lolita Goth, and well, apparently I am what's called "Classic Goth". I wear dark clothing and honestly feel more confident in dark clothing, and feel weird in bright colourful things. When I looked up classic goth in Google, I actually started trembling wanting to cry. Why? Because I won't be able to provide the look that I want to give my husband and being able to take his level of desire towards his wife to the next level? Or is my insecurities that are popping up that are being protective of what I believe is me and I am scared of loosing my perception of myself? I don't think I could ever go fully Goth, or maybe in time I will slowly move towards it? Or will I forever be envious of the desire of my husband towards Goth girls, but cannot give???