What makes you happy? What makes you get out of bed every morning? Both of these questions I don't have an answer to. Things have been so stressful that I have forgotten what it's like to be truly happy, and to be honest I can't remember when I was. I wanna cry but I can't. I slowly feel my sanity slipping, when I make a mistake I slam my fist down and twitch. I had a co-worker approach me and told me that this is what she was like before she had a mental breakdown and was hospitalized. I don't want to get to that point, but I don't know how to bring myself back down to being myself again. I am thinking about going to my doctor about maybe going on stress leave until my vacation in December; but an opportunity at work is holding me back. I am sworn to secrecy until it has been announced in the library then I will post it here. I don't know what to do anymore, we received notice that our second roommate may be leaving us in January which means that we need to find another roommate. I want to start looking now because it is going to take time to fill that room and the sooner we start the sooner that room will get filled and we don't need to worry about the EXTRA financial stress. Because I need more stress in my life right now....The best part though is that we just bought about $500 worth of groceries because our stupid ass roommate keeps eating at least $250 in a week in a half. He's a big boy who needs alot of food. At least he is filling my vehicle right now otherwise we would be fucked and we just filled it up on Thursday and it's almost empty; this is how much this man is fucking us. I want him out of my life and for him to never enter it again. Someone who has no respect for me, my things or my property can get out of my life and honestly die. This sounds harsh, but my brain feels like it's going to explode, I can't expell any stress because anything that I try doesn't work. How much more can I take before I mentally crack? I am a strong person; but someone who is strong can only be strong for so long (heh that rhymed). The burnt toast that I remember being is funny, happy and makes others laugh. I was proud of who I was, not self loathing and anti-social. I am thankful for my husband who pushes me to go out and talk to people because they make me forget my problems and learn about someone else. We went to some friends house last night and it was soo amazing because I laughed so hard that my gut actually hurt. That was exactly what I needed, hot chocolate and a good girl talk (who would have thunk it!). Tonight I plan on watching the show "Castle" with my husband tonight, have a cup of tea (I hope I cry) and just try to keep my mental sanity.
What helps you to relax when you have no safe haven?
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