New Post Here!!!

Well, here I am.

I honestly feel stupid, and overwhelmed. For instance yesterday I made a complete ass out of myself in front of this guy who I have caught checking me out. So I thought I could make myself look really intelligent and help him "fix" the photocopier. But instead of looking intelligent, I dumped photocopier toner all over my hands and all over the floor. The guy looked at me like I was stupid, and I looked at him and said "have you ever had one of those days that regardless of what you do it's wrong?". So I ended up helping him finsh up his jobs holding a gob of toner in my left hand and helping him, and then he insisted that he would come back another day when there wasn't toner all over the floor (which i should note I was standing in). Then to make my week that much more enjoyable I have seemed to forget how to use the English language, like spitting when talking and the patron that I'm helping gives me a disgusted look, or my ears just seem to turn off and it takes a patron to repeat themselvs like six times before I "understand" what it is that they want.

Could this be stress?Probable, considering that on Mothers Day it involved me crying and my parents basically telling me that I am overwhelmed with the wedding and to deal with it. I felt so loved.

I just found out that my fiance is going to be doing security at a new location, which is fine. Except that this location had a shooting two weeks ago, there are drug deals going on, people are getting stabbed and there aren't any lights in the parking lot. All my fiance has to defend himself is a really heavy flashlight....... I am terrified that he is going to get stabbed or seriously hurt. But I really need to get used to the idea because he is the Criminal Justice field, and well this only kinda involves him working in dangerous situations. I need to be positive and think that this is great experience for him and that he will be okay. I don't want anything happening to my future husband! I tend to over react on things but I am seriously very scared about this new site, but really doing security at any site does have those risks. I think another thing that bothers me is that he doesn't tell me when something happens until like 6 months after the incident happened. So if something drastic did happen one night I won't know about it for a long time!!

I'm sure I will post again later this evening to vent again.