Birthday

So my birthday is coming up soon (by soon I mean like 3 weeks) and I am anxious/excited about it. My hubsand and I have been together for over six years and he has never thrown me anything, ever. Normally this wouldn't bug me except for the creation of this blog was because of a stupid bitch, and he threw this stupid bitch a surprise part to make her feel better. Last year for my husbands 25th birthday I threw him a surprise birthday party too! Not to say hey I think you should do this for me, but as a nice thing to do because he has never had a birthday party before. My husband said that he wouldn't throw me one until I stopped expecting it, and honestly that's really not how I work. I don't want the big extravagent get together with everyone getting plastered at a bar, I just want my friends to say hey "Happy Birthday, wanna come over and chill?". Last year was horrible because I was so depressed because my husband didn't say Happy Birthday to me. I was so destraught and sad and I just wanted the day to be over, we didn't do anything we just had supper with my parents and went home. Happy Birthday to me, yay. I am trying to be hopeful for this year because well now I am his wife..... Maybe that might make a difference??? I just want my friends around having fun and playing board games. I don't want anything special, I just want the ones that I love around me. But why can't my husband do something for me, regardless if I expect it or not. I just want someone to throw me something because I don't think I should have to plan my own fucking birthday......

Busy busy busy

So today was like the perfect day for birth control. I babysat my nephews and niece ALL day, I was at their house at 7:30 this morning and I was there until 6:45 p.m. with the kids. I mean it was fun to spend the time with the kids but when you're not used to it, four kids thrown at you is alot!! Especially when the two youngest are less than a year apart and they are under the age of two and still in diapers.....So may day consisted of trying to keep four kids in line and not understanding the language of toddlers and all the while having two older boys who want to play a board game with me.. Why do I want these things??Glutton for punishment maybe? And I guess it is alot harder to know what to do with someone elses kids when you don't know the rules fully.

After babysitting I took a leap (I know you all should be proud) and I went out for supper with a new acquaintance to maybe make a new friend. We have gotten together with these people before and we had a blast! But the difference is that my out going husband was with me, this time I would have to brave it alone. Honestly, I do alot better when one person does most of the talking!!! It mades things soooooooooooooooooooo much better and it made me feel so much more comfortable! We talked about everything under the sun including religion, kids, marriage, friends everything!!! It was so nice to meet someone with common interests as me and in a committed relationship as this makes things easier. She invited me over to her place tomorrow evening to hang out and meet her cat!!! I am debating on wether or not I should go because I have SOO much laundry to do and I am getting together with my family in the afternoon to write thank you notes for the wedding (oops).

Interesting Day

So, today was my last day with my husband before he was off to Waterton for the weekend and I don't get to see him until Monday now :( . So we had to do of course a whole swack of chores we had to buy some new bathroom stuff (what is it with me and forgetting to take pictures) like a new garbage can, shower curtain, new hangers for the new shower curtain, tooth brush holder and new soap holder. And then get this!!!! We spontaneously bought a couch for our upstairs!!! It is seriously the most expensive thing I have EVER bought (besides my house) we had $432 on a gift card from the wedding and the other $500 we took out of our savings account. It is totally not like me to spend that much money on something that we really don't need but something purely pleasure. I feel so conflicted because this couch is totally awesome and it is truley the perfect couch for us but it cost us $500!!! I mean I can't complain because we ordered a dishwasher without paying for it, and we bought a deep freeze without paying for it either. So really $500 is really nothing and I really can't bitch but I just can't get over spending that much money on ONE thing. Maybe I wouldn't feel so bad if I got more than one thing but I don't know. Maybe I am just so cheap.....I mean I knew that I was cheap but the inability so spend something on myself that will help the house. I dunno I need to learn to live and use our savings money for what it is actually for; nice things that we want. If I can't spend it on a couch that will help our quality of life, what makes me think I can spend a couple of thousand on a trip?? Food for thought for sure!!

Fun Night

So last night my husband and I were complaining about how much we didn't have any food for supper and so we had cereal and I was cooking hashbrowns (yummy!!) when I got a teary phone call from a dear friend of mine. She has been with her boyfriend for over a year now and has been going through a rough patch, so we took off and rescued her and had some fun! She wanted to go to a pub and visit, so we went to the strippers..... I know, I know.... It was only like the second time I have EVER been there and the first time that I was there was before I even knew my husband (so over six and a half years ago) but me being the daring individual that I am sucked up my pride and went with her and my husband. I was sooo awkward being in there.. During the first dance I was more concentrating on my husband to make sure that his back was to her so that he didn't look (and he did pretty well). Then my darling friend she wanted to play a game to either get a poster, magnet or whatever. What you need to do is throw money at the stripper, and you need to hit off the coins/magnet off of her naked body. She really wanted to do it so I went with her, (I mean we did come here for her) and when it was our turn for me to throw this money at this stripper I could feel my face go red and I could NOT throw the money. The money kept falling short of her and she made a joke about try not to hit her boobs because their plastic and would end up bouncing back anyways. That made me laugh really hard, because they were obviously fake. But I still couldn't throw the money at her because it is so degrading to have money thrown at you....oddly enough like a whore.... But I couldn't treat her like what she was..... weird..... So I ended up getting a magnet anyway (yee haw) and my friend didn't end up getting anything. Everyone knows how I feel about whores, and for me to be in a place that is deliberatly degarding to women was really hard for me to keep my mouth shut, especially to the leering men. I don't know why I felt the need to stick up for these women as this is their career choice and obviously have no problem having money thrown at them for a magnet on their naked body (I would love to know though how much take home they get). Maybe it's the fact that I don't know the reason that they are really there, and what kind of life they have outside of the strip joint. Perhaps I see the human, besides the very athletic bodies and fake breasts. Or I hate them for being able to work that poll so well..... Nah.....

Last Night

So last night was sooooooooooo much fun!!! I learned to play a new game called "On the Edge" and I had a blast!! The game is kinda like role playing but with cards, here is the link. We also played a board game that we brough which is called "Apples to Apples" and one of our friends won the round which was fine but I was one away from winning!! We had supper over there too we made hamburgers on his new BBQ that he doesn't know how to use yet so my manly man husband showed him how to BBQ. The burgers were yummy and then I had nachos as a side and was cuddling into my husbands back because I was uneasy. As we played the role playing game I was slowly being brought into conversation was was "Dorking" with the other guys and well honestly I kinda kicked some butt!!! I think I made a good impression because they invited me back over for any guys night they do to play "On the Edge" and I think I might join them!!! The only thing that is going to cause issues is our schedules are so fucky, I have every Friday off, but my husband works out in Waterton every weekend and one of the guys girlfriend doesn't get off until 6:00 which doesn't allow alot of time to play! Time will tell!! After this game night though I'm wondering if I have found my group of people that I am comfortable with, and that is nerds. Because of two reasons, one: the games that they play as fantistical which is right up my alley, and 2: because last night I was getting checked out and honestly it was really nice to be the pretty girl for once. Hmmm, does that make me a bad person???

Sunshine

So the rain has finally stopped and its nice and warm!! I am enjoying the sun so far, it is nice to be able to wear a skirt and not be cold! I am thinking I should go for a walk or a bike ride tonight but my house looks like a nuclear bomb hit it and then a stampede of mutilated cows came through and shit all over it. That's what my house looks like, BUT the good news is that we are slowly putting our basement together!! There is still a bit of a musty smell but some of my co-workers were saying that I should put used coffee grounds in the room and the smell is asorbed into the grounds!! So far it is working!!

We watched a new anime last night (because I need my cuddle time) called Speedgrapher. "t’s been over a decade since the Bubble War, when the global economy burst. The rich got richer, and the poor were out of luck. Welcome to Tokyo, the city where all the winners came to jerk each other off. If you’ve got money, you can buy anything your sick mind can dream up. If you don’t, you just try not to get crushed beneath the wheels. Only the wicked rule here.

Enter the Club, a secret society pandering to the ultra-rich and fulfilling their deepest desires… legal or otherwise. Sent to infiltrate the underground elite, Saiga, once a renowned war photographer now reduced to tabloid journalism, stumbles upon a depraved ceremony and discovers the ultimate beauty in Tokyo’s darkest catacombs. With a tragic young girl named Kagura in tow, Saiga flees from his enemies and his own inner demons. A single kiss has ignited a chain of events that could force the entire ruling class to their knees.

Smile for the camera… or perish in the glare of its lens."

I copied that link from here: http://www.funimation.com/speed-grapher. It's an interesting Anime so far and we are both enjoying it thouroughly! Tonight is also the night where I will get to meet some my husbands nerdy friends. they're having a BBQ and we will probably play Apples to Apples and maybe role play. Oh no..... I think I'm becoming a dork too!!!

Hobby

So, i need a hobby. The associate director of the library wanted to talk to me today about a complaint that was received about me on Thursday from another coordinator. I felt so bad because I started to cry in her office because I really do not do well with being told that I screwed up. The poor girl didn't know what to do but told me that she wanted to tell me so that I could rectify it and find out what was going on and why I am always so tired. So I told her why, and how stressful everything was in my life right now. She asked if I had anyone who could help me and I said not really because all my good friends are not in here but in other cities and my parents have other things like their farm and my husband has been working stupid hours (18+ hours a day) and I just haven't had time to rest. After crying a little bit and I left her office I realize why I was so off on Thursday!! I was feeling so sick but because my coordinator was away and the staff really need a person that they can rely on and I can't call in a staff member to cover my shift because it was only two hours and we have to bring them in for a mimum of three. So, I decided to stay and deal with it, because I also knew that it wouldn't look well after just having a week off then leaving on day four "sick". So I feel so much better knowing why I was a little off that day, and I know that I need to go to bed earlier and do something when not a work that is active besides playing video games. That will help alleviate some of the stress that is happening in my life, I didn't realize that being active was so imporant to me until recently and just how much I need to have my mind engaged in something. It's annoying yes but otherwise (as you can tell) I think.

So.....

This is another photo from our wedding.

Nothing is new here, but I have decided that I need a hobby beside playing video games . I need to be more active so that I can loose the weight that I gained post wedding. Stupid delictious sweets!!! Anyways enjoy the picture!!

Herm.....

So, last night my husband had to work 10 p.m. to 6:00 a.m. in Waterton at the Prince of Wales Hotel but he would have to leave at 4:30 to talk to the supervisor about what his duties were so we were out in Waterton at 6:00 and he had an hour long orientation while I waited in the car (oh joy). The best part was that I got to play with these terribly addicting magnets that are called Bucky Balls so I got to play with those for about an hour!!! After my husband was done his orientation we went and had supper at this restaurant, that charged us over $40.00 cdn for diner food.... Oh well that's what one gets for being in a tourist trap!!! After dinner my husband showed me the dorm that he would be staying in while doing security in Waterton, and omg what a shit hole! They make all of their staff have their individual rooms and at 10:00 they have a quiet policy, and they had them sign contracts to agree to be quiet and lots of rules. I couldn't believe the limitations of the staff!! But if you are handeling a five star hotel I guess the rules need to be...

Anyways because I miss my husband (he has been pulling about 13 hour days) I went to Waterton with him to keep him company. At about an hour into his shift he said I should go back to the dorms because he won't be able to sit for to long, so I went and played a video game called Black and White II it is awesome and went to bed.

You know after writing this post I decided I need a hobby, to do something different rather than living my life through where my husband works. He is so social and is so friendly and talkative to everyone, and I would much rather hide in a corner and pretend to be invisible. I know I would like to do something outdoors, I love being active in nature. So i think I would like to learn to kayak and maybe eventually do it Whitewater rafting style!!!! I know on our honeymoon we discussed doing something together so we could have something to talk about, because it's not healthy to be around each other constantly. But, I am sometimes so socially awkward I don't know what to say to new people!! We are going to over to some people's house on Tuesday night and I am going to visit with a girl I have met once before but I don't know what the deuce I am going to talk to her about!! I am actually very nervous about this because when I get nervous I get shy and then come off as a bitch!!! I really want to expand my friend base but I need to get over my awkwardness! GAH!

Good Enough

Being a girl we are entitled to our bad, fat, ugly, sad, etc days. It seems for me that I always have fat/ugly weeks or months. Before my husband and I went on our honeymoon we went to a specialy bra store that has bathing suits that would fit my bust size (because I have large breasts, obviously) and the girl that was helping me was a total bitch. I don't understand why they have small girls that have no breasts in a specialty store, I mean screw you. I know I am not a tiny girl but by no means am I like 300 lbs. But this girl really made me feel like shit, she was putting me into ugly bathing suits that old women would wear. I tried on about five bathing suits before the stupid twit said that she didn't have anything else that would fit me. I changed, stormed out and I seriously cried my eyes out in my husbands arms for about 10 minutes. I felt so fat, so huge and I wanted nothing more than to disappear and I was saying very cruel things to myself. To be honest I have really never recovered from that. I am trying to be realistic that I have a husband who loves me, and that size REALLY doesn't matter. But a person gets so caught up in what "beauty" is that when one thing doesn't fit because they make the sizes for japenese girls with no boobs it's hard not to beat yourself up about it. I know that I could excercise and work out more so that the bust size would decrease. But to be honest, I have done the gym three times and I HATE HATE HATE HATE the gym. I would much rather climb a mountain, go for a six hour walk then be stuck in a building for 45 minutes. But regardless of how much excercise you do you still can't change the way your body looks, and I have talked to my husband about getting a breast reduction but I secretly wondering if that will really solve anything? I know it would make shopping for clothing alot easier, but is this really the root of the problem. I have never met anyone (or at least who has let it on) that dislikes them so deeply as much as I do. Honestly, I really don't like much about myself, because I know I could look better. I have always had the attitude don't ever stop growing, don't ever stop improving. So I guess by not being more active I feel like I am flat lining and not improving. I have alwas been like this and I am really trying hard to not be like this but I dread shopping for clothing because I am scared I will fall in love with something and then they won't have my size and it will look awful on me. I really wish to be more in style but sadly the style is geared towards girls with no boobs, and well I don't want to start shopping at specialty stores because those are once again geared towards little old ladies. Like seriously how can some of these girls who are bigger breasted than me find all of these cute clothes and bras and I always seem to strike out? A person can only be optimistic for so long when everything they try on doesn't fit and the lady helping you is quietly smiling. Bitch...