Things I am Thankful for

with everything that has been going on, I thought that it might be a good idea to say what I am thankful for.

1. Spring. I am thankful for this because new babies and new growth.it's a new beginning, which is suiting for my life right now.
2. Music. Music had really helped me to relax and see that things really are not that bad.
3. My cats. Just for being fluffy.
4. Fluffy things. Just for being fluffy.
5. My fiance. honey you are amazing and I am so lucky to have you in my life. And for being fluffy lol.
6. My friends and family.for the support and never ending love, thank you
7. sudoku, for keeping my mind in check when I think I have convinced myself that I am dying of a terminal illness when I only sneezed.
8. Wedding, for showing me who my true love is. My fiance.

And last but not least my readers on here, thank you for posting saying that you missed me. I was convinced no one was was reading until that comment.

Another Post

Hi Again!

I figured that my last post was so boring because it was so close to the last one I decided to post another one.

Things have been going alot smoother now. I have removed my "friend" and the "girl" off of my facebook. I decided to change my attitude and decided that if they are going to put themselves first and remove themselves from my life then that is what I am going to do too. I was so sick of tired of calling my fiance crying because I was so stressed and tired of people walking out on me. So for my sanity they're off, and honestly.... IT'S FUCKING WONDERFUL!! I will always miss my "friend" but if he doesn't want anything to do with me or my life why should my life be put on hold? It's his loss not mine. I gave everything I could into the friendship and this is the second time that he almost walked out on my life. The first time was a cat that I adopted from a friend of his because they were moving and I knew no one was going to adopt a 10 yr old fat cat. So we took him under our wing, and then he got sick. We spent over $600 cdn in vet bills for this cat and we ended up having to put him down. My "friend" disagreed with this and thought we could have done more to help him. With the lifestyle that my fiance and I have is very sparatic and this cat would need shots three times a day every four hours. I'm sorry I know it is my responsibility to this animal but it was pissing on the floor destroying the carpet in the apartment and we just bought the house we are in now. It's not healthy for the cat or for us to be living in that smell, so we made the best choiec we could for us and him. I guess that shows someones true colours doesn't it?

But I'm concentrating on positive things instead of the negative. Like right now for instance.... I am writing my blog when I should be going to work. I am running late for work.... Meh.


RIP Cleo.

Disappearance

pardon the spelling if that is not correct. Sorry for kinda falling off the planet there for awhile, trust me I didn't die. I just got busy and I suspect that it's only going to get busier from here on out!

Nothing much has been happening other than I think I need a career change. My give a fuck has broke when it comes to libraries. Don't get me wrong I understand why libraries are here but I just don't care. So I am trying to find something that I feel strongly about, but sadly everything that I enjoy doing is not something a person can make money doing. I would love to become a meterologist, volcanologist, and I am even think zoologist now. I enjoy being outdoors, but not painting..... That sucks!!! But I can't make a career change when my fiance is in college because he needs his sugar mama and we are JUST starting to put away money and get ready for the wedding. But I love cats, and I know I would love to work with big cats! But sadly that requires a university education and I cannot learn the way that University teaches. I guess for now I better suck it up and deal with it, because I'm not going anywhere for at least 2 years. So time to work hard and pretend that I give a fuck.

I really hope my supervisor doesn't read this :S

Rambling

Well to my avid "readers" I did not disappear I just got busy with life. On Thursday it was my moms birthday so we were out for most of the night with my family. On Friday I spent almost all day with my mom doing wedding stuff (invitations, flowers, etc.) , on Saturday I went to work with my fiance and spend the day with a friend in Taber. Then after work we went to my inlaws for a visit and then came home and went to bed. My plan for today is to relax, get my niece a birthday present and then go to family dinner and meet my in-laws for the bi-weekly family dinner.


I don't wanna think today so this post is going to be short and sweet, I will write more at a later date.

Career

So, I work in a public library and I supervise the staff in the department and I ensure that nothing goes wrong. I have a diploma in Library Information Technology, and a diploma in Office Administration. I have been working at the library for almost three years now and the longer I work here the more I wonder if this is really what I want to be doing for the rest of my life. But then I ask myself, if I don't want to do this then what is it that I want to do? Well, I love to do a lot of things but nothing that I can make decent money from. I would love to learn about weather and learn to predict it and understand why weather works the way that it does. Sadly there is not alot of jobs out there for Meterologists. I even thought about training big cats and working in a zoo. But sadly you need to be a zoologist which means I would need to re-take high school courses and increase my grades to get into University. At this point in time in my life I am not ready to take on more schoolign because I still haven't been out of school long enough yet to be fully relaxed to take on a full semester of school. Other than that what do I do with my life? I have no idea, I don't even know what my strengths/weaknesses are. Well I do, but how can you apply it to a lifetime and dedicate it to one career? I feel so lost as to where I should be in my life, where do I fit? Where am i going? Will i be successful? Will I get the things that I want? Can I have a family? Will my marriage work? All of these questions that I don't have answers to, i feel like I am walking in the dark without anyone guiding me and no one wanting to help. I realize that this is my life and no one can really help me, that I need to figure it out for myself. i just wish that someone would tell me that it will be okay. You will be fine, everything will work out and I want them to genuinely mean it, not just to make me feel better. i am so scared about what life has in store for me, i want everything to be what I want and more. I know that nothing is perfect but I want to be able to not have to worry about wether or not I can afford to buy groceries when I next get paid, I would like to not have have to worry if my friends genuinely want to be my friend, I don't want to worry wether my fiance wants to be with me or not. Sadly none of these questions are going to be answered, they take time and I need to work for them. Nothing is ever simple, but by damn I am going to fight for what I want. What else can I do?

Money

We all have this problem with this insignificant thing in our lives. But lately it seems to be getting me down more and more. For instance my parents are paying for my money, we haven't put in a single cent towards it and I feel like shit. My house, my parents put the downpayment on the house so we could get out the shitty apartment we were currently residing. And lately we have been talking about going somewhere for our honeymoon but after looking at all of the places it is freaking expensive to travel!! It also has made an impact on my because everyone in my family (my two sisters and their husbands and my nephews and then my parents) all went to Hawaii together for two weeks; except myself and Drew. Ugh. I am in the same position as my sisters, I own my house, I have my career and I make decent money. The only difference is that I am currently supporting a student who is just getting his career started. Which is no fault of anyones, I am the minority in the world. But I feel that I should have the bank account of a 30 year old and hace the life style of one. But of course I am not in my 30's, I am in my mid 20's. There is a big difference between the two ages, and sadly I need to learn to deal with that. It's just so hard to look at everyone I work with and know they are all going to Hawaii and Mexico and beautiful places and I'm stuck here. I want to see the world, I want to travel I want to experience different things. Sadly though I feel older than what my age says and everyone keeps saying oh you're still so young yet. That may be the case but with my income I feel that I should not be in the financial situation that I am in.

I guess everyone at some point in their life goes through this, but I am going to eat a oatmeal cookie that was made for me last night and momentarily forget my money crisis and move on to my "I really shouldn't be eating this because I'm going to get fat" mindset.

Couple of Things

Well, today was interesting. Firstly for whatever reason I just could NOT wake up this morning so I went back to bed for about 20 minutes when really I should have been getting ready for work. But fuck it, my give a fuck is broken. So nonetheless my sleep schedule has been kinda screwy lately, and it's not like I have a social life to blame. My "friend" kinda took care of that....jerk..

I am getting slightly concerned about myself lately. All it's been is depressing bull shit that really brings you down. It's a never ending cycle really, someone pisses you off, then you get pissed off thusly pissing someone else off. It's the never ending piss cycle. But when you have emotions that are so strong how else do you get them out? I created this, and this is kinda helping in weird way. I really like being able to read them again and see all of my spelling mistakes.

You know, after re-reading this I am being to depressing. So I googled "cute, fluffy squishy things"
Here is what I found:



OMFG!! It's a Kirby Cake!!!! He's like a bubble wrap wet dream!! Okay maybe not OMG it's Kirby and he has a bleeding leg!! Okay I seriously need some mental help....








Okay so when I saw this I actually squeled! I love squishy things, and how freaking cute is this?! It is so cute and freaking fluffy!!! I just wanna squish it! Anyways here is the link so you can take a look at the squishies!!!





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Family

Well I think we al knew (by we I me we because who reads this?!) that this post was coming. The dreaded family post.

Toady I went invitation shopping for the wedding because well people aren't going to show up uninvited right? So anyways my parents were very quiet and not really saying much, it seems my mother always gets kinda opiniated around this kind of stuff. My father hardly said anything at all and just sat there kinda partaking but not really.

Now there is a history here, my parents really don't like my fiance. Why you ask? Well.... he;s an asshole. "Now Burnt Toast, that's not nice." no I honestly and truly believe and know that my fiance is an asshole. He has no problem telling people what he thinks and why he thinks it, and this includes telling ones parents that he doesn't like the way that they raised me and he thinks they are bad parents. Ya, that's why they don't like him. Also it might have to do with the fact that my brother in laws had their careers established and one of my brother in laws is a certified accountant and is oh about 10 years older than my middle sister, so he is now in my 40's.

I have gone through everything in my head about my fiance, all the good and all the bad (and there are lots of both). Over the past six years I have seen a lot of his personality that I do adore, and him being an asshole believe it or not is one of them. I just don't understand why my family doesn't approve I don't understand. I am the youngest of three, and should mention as well that I amd seven years younger than my middle sister. I know that I am getting married kind of young, about a month before my 25th birthday. I have a feeling that some of the maybe hesitancy you could call it would be that my mother was married about my age and maybe she wished that she had waited. Another big part is also his family is extremely broken, and they clash horribly with the beliefs of my family. So maybe they feel that his broken family will happen to us when he have kids? All very valid concerns but they don't see that my fiance doesn't want that for his kids and he is going to school to give his kids the life that he never had. He also has lived the life that he never wants for his own children and he knows what to work towards. He envies me for the family that I have and hopes that our children will kinda have the same thing.

I feel that I have made a decent choice. He has his faults, as everyone does. Some are bigger than others and some we need help on. But I believe that this is normal, to think otherwise is ignoring reality. I would understand if he was a hardcore drug user and was abusing me while sitting on the couch and telling me to make his dinner. But he's not, but this is my life and I will live it the way I wish. If it's a mistake then I guess they can say "I Told You So."

Sunshine

With the prospect of spring being just around the corner and the sunshine is starting to come out and birds are chirping life seems to not be so dark. It's amazing, because I know that my piddly little problems really in the big scheme of life that are really very insignificant. But it is so easy to get lost in your own problems that you forget about everyone else. Things still suck, my boss is stupid and doesn't know how to be a manager and then blames me because she's an idiot. I know she has a lot of personal issues but a decent leader/manager should know how to differentiate the difference between work and not work. Don't take our your problems at work, we are not your littlet minions who bow down to you.

Tomorrow I get to go and look at wedding invitations and order some and then get them out before the end of March. As the wedding is in June I have a feeling that the next couple of months are only going to get more stressful, but the exciting thing is I get to wear my dress again!

Well my blog has had two views on it, YAY I have hit the big time now! I didn't realize how hard this was going to be doing it without anyone knowing who I am. Hmmmm, maybe I should re-think this. Who wants to read a blog about someone who doesn;t know who they are?

Friends

I love my friends, I really do. I would do anything for them and I would give my right arm to make sure that they know just how much I care about them. So nonetheless I get really pissed off when my friends spit in my face and say that they don't want me in their life anymore. Here let me give you some back story:

my fiance and I got into a huge fight (trust me there will be posts later on about this) and I went to my best friend who I considered more a brother to me than a friend. I went to him to vent about what was going on, his girlfriend and him came to pick me up and they took me out for supper and played some pool. My friend was a little quiet as the night progressed but I didn't think much of it because of the nuclear bomb that hit my life. A couple of days later he sent me an e-mail on facebook saying that he felt that the situation between my fiancee and I has taken a negative influence on my relationship and my work so I need to take a step back.

So now that you know the backstory you can kind of understand why I am kinda bitter towards my friends. I know I know, I shouldn't judge my friends because one is a fucking idiot. But it seems after that incident that all of my friends seem to be taking a step out of my life, and all I can think is what the fuck is wrong with me? Why all of a sudden am I to much for people to handle? It's not like all I do is complain about how bad my life is and how I got the bad side of life. Because it's not true, I have things very damn well! I own a house, and I have a career I own my own vehicle and I have four years of a college education. I am not a stupid person and I think that everything that is happening recently is from being under a lot of stress. I am getting married in June, I am on a board that is entirely voluntary and I am a supervisor of a major department in my library and my supervisor doesn't do jack shit.

Another thing that bugs me is when my friends say that they don't want to come over past a specific time because it screws up their schedule. Okay fine, I think 8:00 is a little stupid but okay, but to only see your friends on the weekend to me is fucking retarded. How can you find the time to fit in all of your socialization in one weekend. People are so strange am I overreacting?!?

As you are starting to realize why I would like to stay anonymous.



Am I being unreasonable here?

First Post

Welcome readers to this blog.

Have you ever noticed that people say one thing and then do another just after you had a conversation with them? I wish people would just say things flat out. None of this mumbo jumbo everything is hunky dory and then behind your back it's something entirely different. I am all about people having depth (if anything it is good for a person to not tell everything to a person after one meeting) but being two sided is entirely different. I am so fed up with people who I care about in my life turning their backs on me because they feel that I have a "negative" influence on their life; when realistically all I was doing was going to a friend to vent. I realize that this blog will not get a lot of attention because I won't have any fashion posts of the cutest boots that I just bought and it's not about some boy band. I need this blog to maybe get other feedback from other people worldwide who may feel the same way that I do.

Blog post one, let's see how long it takes for someone to tell me to stop my bitching and deal with it.